Merry Christmas, bro

This year it's strangely quiet. No sounds of you whipping the little ones into a frenzy playing with their new stuff. No big Sky laughing from the other room. No unexpected slaps to the back of my head as you pass by, followed by your Cheshire Cat smile as you wish me a "Merry Christmas".

I miss you, and the tree and the kids and the gifts and the crumpled wrapping make it more so.

Yeah, it's quieter than usual.

Nick

A Big Thank You!

We want to say a big Thank You to Baron Davis, a high school friend of Sky's, for making an extraordinary donation of $5000 to the Sky Rashby Memorial Fund at Caltech.

When Baron heard about Sky's death, he dedicated the Golden State Warriors opening night game to Sky. He also pledged to donate $200 per point he scored that evening. Baron scored an awesome 25 points, making for the $5000 donation. Thanks to Baron and the efforts of his assistant, Lori, Sky's nephews had great seats to watch all the action in Oakland that night -- and got cool Warriors jerseys. The experience was such a bright spot in what has otherwise been an incredibly difficult time.

So, thank you, Baron. Your kindness means a lot to our family.

And, thank you, Lori. It has been nice getting to know you and we appreciate everything you've done behind the scenes.

With admiration,
The Rashby Family

P.S. For information on the Sky Rashby Memorial Fund, go to http://web.gps.caltech.edu/memorial/sky_rashby.html.

How beautiful the ones who love

From afar, one could say
All hell broke loose and
Heaven rained its tears
On you

And yet (and yet)
The beauty in your face
Belies that hell
Even exists

And that the heaven that is partly
Sky (is now and ever shall be...)
Still sheds its love and light
On you

You are invited to view Sky's Memorial Service photo album Sky's Memorial Service Topanga, CA - Sep 22, 2007 Snapshots at Sky's Memorial Service by Anna Maria Austin (THANKS!) View Album Play slideshow

Caltech's Sky Rashby Memorial Fund announcement in the Topanga Messenger

Caltech Establishes Memorial Fund in Honor of Sky Rashby

The Division of Geophysical and Planetary Sciences (GPS) at California Institute of Technology, where Topanga native Sky Rashby was pursuing doctoral studies at the time of his recent death, has announced the creation of a memorial fund in Rashby's honor. The Caltech community is reaching out to Sky's friends and older family members in Topanga in hopes of eliciting support for the fund, according to Alex Sessions, Rashby's doctoral advisor at Caltech, who spoke movingly at the recent memorial for Rashby at the Inn of the Seventh Ray.

"We remember Sky Rashby for his endless energy as a scientist, his care for world issues as well as the people around him, and we remember him for his big hair and contagious laugh," said Caltech's Aleen Boladian in announcing the establishment of the memorial fund. "The Sky Rashby Memorial Fund will be used to further the efforts of members of the Caltech community in support of environmental awareness, scientific outreach and activism," said Boladian, "causes and values [Sky] supported passionately."

The GPS division, in consultation with representatives of GPS students and post docs, the Geobiology faculty, and Sky Rashby's family, will select proposals which the memorial fund will support throughout the year.

Further information on the fund and its purpose is available at the GPS website (Sky Rashby Memorial Fund) along with information on how to contribute. "We hope this fellowship and our community effort to build it will be both an opportunity to conceive new ideas on issues that extend beyond academic life and a greater recognition of the role Sky played in our lives," said Boladian.
________________________________________________

(Blog note: The link to Caltech's Sky Rashby Memorial Fund page in the Topanga Messenger is inaccurate. It is corrected here.)

Photos from Sky's Memorial Service

With apologies for taking so long to post these and with thanks to Anna Maria Austin for taking these, here are some snapshots from Sky's Memorial Service.

Agouron Institute Donation to the Sky Rashby Memorial Fund

With profound gratitude we announce that the Agouron Institute, a private foundation that issues grants to research institutions and universities in selected areas of biology and chemistry, has made a very generous contribution in the amount of $20,000 to the Sky Rashby Memorial Fund.

Following is a personal message from the Agouron Institute Program Director:

Please accept my personal condolences for the loss of Sky. We all have such wonderful memories of him. The Agouron Institute wants to give the Sky Rashby Memorial Fund a good jump start to enable his fellow students, colleagues, and friends to continue his commitment to scientific outreach and activism. We know many of Sky's friends would not be financially able to contribute much to the fund so we felt with a bit of a boost our contribution might encourage others who are more able to do likewise.

Sincerely,
Joan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joan A. Kobori, PhD

Program Director

The Agouron Institute

1055 E. Colorado Blvd., Suite 250

Pasadena, CA 91106 USA

tel: (626) 577-0500

fax: (626) 577-0800

Caltech Lab Members' Memories of Sky

About a week after Sky died, Dianne Newman, one of Sky's advisors, organized a conference call where her group members (both past & present) who knew Sky got together to talk about him. Dianne says they were all so devastated at the beginning of the conversation, but after an hour of sharing memories (the ones recorded below), they all began to feel a lot better. Dianne hopes these memories have the same effect on you.

==============================================================

I will always remember how he was curious about every project in the lab and we could always count on interesting and thought provoking questions from him in group meetings as well as in seminars no matter what the topic. ~Shanna Potter

==============================================================

One time I accidentally broke a whole bottle of chloroform. People from one side of the lab had to be evacuated until the spilled chloroform got properly cleaned up. I felt horrible for my stupid mistake. Sky walked up to me and said: "Thank you so much for solvent cleaning the floor of our lab." I just cracked up. What he said made me feel so much better. ~Yun Wang

==============================================================

One of the things that I really admired in him was that, even though he had deep feelings and serious, strong opinions about what was going on in the world, he was also able to laugh and make other people laugh in a way that just made it a pleasure to spend time with him. I had sent out an email to the lab that said, "Would anyone like to order anything from VWR? Let me know." The only response I got was from him, and it said, "Yup." I think that encapsulates his wit.

Another fond memory I have of him is from the geobiology retreat last year, when we camped in Joshua Tree. I remember sitting around the fire with him and Lars and some other grad students. It was very pleasant with the campfire and the stars, but I was becoming increasingly anxious because I could hear animals rummaging around the picnic tables and also near us. Sky wasn't scared at all, and he shined his flashlight on some activity near us. I jumped when I saw the animal, but Sky said, "awww, it's just a cute little desert mouse!" and I realized it was actually the cutest rodent I had ever seen (they sort of have little kangaroo-like feet and a tuft at the end of their tails). That was it; he didn't do anything to try to make the mice go away, and it just indicated to me how much he appreciated living things, and that he was a part of the same natural world as that mouse. You could see that in him at Yosemite too. There were other seasoned hikers there, but something about Sky was different -- he just felt totally at home and comfortable in the woods, and you could tell he loved it. That is a lesson we can all take from him: remember to, once in a while, look at the natural world from the perspective of an insider. As scientists we always try to take the objective view, but we can also learn and experience a lot by remembering that we aren't really outsiders--we're inhabitants of the same planet. ~Alexa Price-Whelan

==============================================================

I was a graduate student with Sky in the Newman lab. Every day I am still sad that he's not with us anymore. He was always such an energetic force in the lab, full of enthusiasm and determination. He could fix anything that broke, build new experimental setups and even get us to organize the -80 degree freezer. Sky's friendliness and leadership kept the geobiology program going and made those around him more excited and knowledgable about the field. He was an important part of the glue that held everyone in Caltech geobiology together. His sense of humor would come through at random times in the lab and in various emails. Here is one of his email responses:

I wrote:
The refrigerator has been smelly. It's been cleaned up somewhat, but please go look through the things in the fridge and see if there is anything there that is yours that should be thrown out or otherwise moved -- yogurts, Naked Juices, mysterious tupperware items, soups, breads, fruits. Some items may have magically turned into cream cheese, because we appear to have a lot of those.

Sky's response:
Date: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 18:21:05 -0800
From: Sky Rashby <sky@gps.caltech.edu>
To: Tracy Teal <tracyt@caltech.edu>
Subject: Re: refrigerator

Now that's what I call "diagenesis." :)
.........................................................

Sky would smile when he talked to you, but never seemed to smile in pictures. I remember on Doug's last day at Caltech, Shanna, Christine, Doug, Sky and I went to lunch at Ernie's. Ernie took a polaroid of us to give to Doug for his going-away and managed to catch Sky smiling in the picture, and I was happy that we finally got him smiling in a picture.

He seemed to have boundless energy, which was definitely on display on our hike in Yosemite. He practically ran down the trail like a mountain goat, and I have to admit I got a little tired even just watching. But he would encourage everyone along and he and Nicky really helped get everyone to the top of the mountain.

I don't think that I can say that I knew Sky that well, but I know that he was always willing to listen and to help wherever he was needed or when anyone would ask. When he took on a project, I always knew that it would get done and be done well.

It's hard to think of the lab empty over there. I've been by a few times to check on things and it's just so quiet. Sky brought life with him wherever he went, and I'm so sad to realize that his energy isn't here anymore. I think about him every day, and like everyone, I wish that things could be different and that I could see him there in the lab with his specially designed culturing tank, and talk to him awhile. ~Tracy Teal

==============================================================

In my memory, Sky is a nice guy who always smiles and may have kept too much to himself, and who just left earlier than he should. It has been difficult to accept the fact about Sky's death, and I miss him so much. The process of digesting the time I spent with Sky over the past 3 years makes me feel better, because all he left me were so many happy memories.

Sky was a very responsible lab citizen, and very hardworking. He was responsible for the cold room for years. Our cold room had a humidity problem, and had to be cleaned up for removing fungus contamination from time to time. Sky would spend hours in the cold room to empty the room, and bleach the counters and shelves. Even days after the cleaning, I couldn't walk into the cold room because of the strong bleach smell, and I still don't know how he could have dealt with that.

I didn't have many chance to work with Sky since he worked on a different project all by himself in the lab. But I remember the occasion that we both want to use the French press from another lab in Brown building before we had our own. So we went together to check out and use the machine a few times. When the machine wasn't working, he was quite optimistic and called the company to discuss how we could fix it most quickly. I felt that I could trust and rely on his words that the machine will be fixed soon and my experimental plan will be carried out as scheduled. It turned out I was right. I remember the many short walks back and forth between our lab and the Brown building, he made me laugh all the time!

The other day, I was checking the old protocol book from Caltech, and I spotted the KELROF record that I kept in the folder. KELROF (Kellogg's Eighth Light Regiment Of Foot) is a 24-hour relay run held annually on the Caltech track. There, Sky's name is on the list, on top of mine, and his time for the first mile run is 7 minutes and 16 seconds. This reminds me of the longest and the shortest 24 hours we spent with him on the track, with all that sweat, drowsiness (due to short of sleep) and happiness that we shared.

Another thing I remembered about Sky is that once I asked him for a favor (forgot what it was), and he insisted that I say "pretty please," otherwise he wouldn't offer to help. That was my first time to learn this phase, and since then, I always associate it with Sky. I wish I could say it one more time to Sky, "Please, do not leave us so early, pretty please." ~Yongqin Jiao

==============================================================

Sky was refreshing. I always liked being around him, not necessarily having to talk. On days when it got late in the lab and there wasn't much to say, we'd just play each other our weirdest music, such as soundtracks for Italian B-movies. It was like exchanging stories. It was fun, very uncomplicated. One day Sky came over to my bench and asked if I'd like to go to a concert. He organized tickets for Alexa, Crystal and myself. I am mentioning this story because the evening of the concert became one of my most cherished Pasadena memories. Not because of the band, but because of Sky. Not only did he organize the tickets, but he brought food and wine that he shared with us. It was a warm evening and we experienced a beautiful sunset. While the band was playing, Sky started telling stories, mainly about his family and his childhood. Funny, short anecdotes. How he went traveling with his Dad to Paris: His Dad would buy cheap beer and they'd sit down in the entrance hall of the Louvres watching and making fun of American tourists. He told these stories and burst out laughing, then fill everybody's cups with more wine. The atmosphere of that evening will always stay with me. It was how life should be: just being, listening to music with a sunset in the background, eating, drinking wine. ...Thanks Sky. ~Lars Dietrich

==============================================================

The memory I shared with you was when Dale Kaiser came to give a seminar. Sky was in charge of organizing meetings and dinners with Dale and people interested on talking with him. Sky had heard about the phage plaquing-like phenotype I observed to be linked to phenazine production and knowing that Dale had worked with lambda for quite a while Sky looked for me and invited me to join them for dinner. It was a very nice evening not only because Dale is a pleasure to talk with, but also because Sky proved to be a great host. Putting aside the urge that most people have to talk about their own science, he was concerned about including everyone in the discussion. That day talked and discussed my observations with Dale for hours. This, thanks to Sky and his genuine interest for other people. ~Itzel Ramos-Solis

The Golden Knish

Last night my son (Sky's nephew) said "Remember the Golden Knish?" without at first realizing that it was a story about Sky. We both realized it at the same moment, and I told him that it's important and a good thing to remember the happy stories about Sky. And there are a ton of them - the guy was a crackup, and a really fun uncle. This one happened about 5 years ago when Sky was visiting us in Seattle. He and Caelan (then about 5) were racing cars on the kitchen floor, and the metal divider thing between the kitchen floor and the dining room floor was the finish line. Caelan called it the Golden Finish Line, and Sky said "What? The Golden Knish?" and for some reason that hit us all as hysterically funny, and ever since, my family has always called those metal floor dividers Golden Knishes (even when they're silver, as in the house we live in now) and they always remind me of Sky. (A knish is a Jewish pastry thingy, and the "k" is pronounced, like "ka-nish".)

Well, what do you know...

Incidentally. At one point I found this on the internet and it made me happy to see that on the twenty-eighth of August the name 'Sky Rashby' was among the top 100 searches on Google, beating out even college football. I mentioned this to several of our mutual friends and they high-fived over it with a resounding "Yeah Sky!" and it did me some serious good. I feel like he is probably amused by this. Here is the screen shot of that.

Sky Rashby Memorial Fund

From: Aleen Boladian
Date: Oct 8, 2007 3:27 PM
Subject: Sky Rashby Memorial Fund

Hi All,

We remember Sky Rashby for his endless energy as a scientist, his care for world issues as well as the people around him, and we remember him for his big hair and contagious laugh. In honor of Sky's life and work, the GPS division established a memorial fund devoted to causes and values he supported passionately. The Sky Rashby Memorial Fund will be used to further the efforts of members of the Caltech community in support of environmental awareness, scientific outreach and activism. We hope this fellowship and our community effort to build it will be both an opportunity to conceive new ideas on issues that extend beyond academic life and a greater recognition of the role Sky played in our lives. The division, with the consultation of representatives of the GPS students and postdocs, the Geobiology faculty and Sky's family will select proposals to support throughout the year. Further discussion of the Sky Rashby Memorial Fund and its purpose is available at the GPS website along with information on how to contribute.

Please also take this as an opportunity to share with our community what Sky meant to you and how we all might best remind ourselves of what he gave us.

Thank you,
AB

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aleen Boladian
Geological and Planetary Sciences Division
158A Arms
Tel: (626) 395-6206
Fax: (626) 568-0935
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was Sky's old roommate in Berkeley, Panoramic Way

Sky-
I miss you and I am still not having an easy time understanding what happened. I wish I could have made it to your memorial, but some other circumstances prevented that from happening. I also regret that we lost touch the last few years, after I moved from the area to start my new job and career . I know we were always supposed to meet up for a burrito during my brief stint in LA about a year ago, but we always had issues coordinating schedules. Honestly, I was going through my own personal crisis while I was living there, and was really in no state to meet anyone. In retrospect, I really wish i had made a bit more of an effort so we could have spent some time catching up on our lives.
Almost all of my memories of you were good ones. When we lived at the Panoramic House...some of the most fun times I had were when we all went shopping at Berkeley Bowl, and cooked up some awesome grub together. We were always broke at that time, but seemed to have a shared love of great food. I remember a lot of nights of cheap red wine, pasta, and salads. You and Mike and Danielle were my three closest friends that year, and I have a lot of happy memories of that slice of time in our lives. I was always really impressed by you.....you were only a year or so older, but seemed wise beyond your years, and had passionate political convictions. Except for that one time you and Mike Chung challenged each other to a drinking contest on St Paddy's day. That time, we had to carry you up several flights of stairs, back to the house and we got so scared because you got so sick that night. I think you had a mean ol hangover that next morning, and we all chuckled about it in retrospect. When you moved out of the apartment I didn't see you quite as much as before, but you were one of my favorite roomies ever, and I didn't get a chance to tell you that.
The last time I saw you was a good memory. You were happy, but injured....I don't remember the details why, but you got in some sort of accident, biking or skiing I think. You were just heading off to Caltech, and I was just about to move to North Carolina for my new job. i think we were both hopeful regarding the new paths we were taking, and again, I was totally in awe of the fact that you had gotten into such a prestigious program.
Wherever you are....know that I never relegated you to the back of my mind....I never stopped thinking fondly of the times we shared as roomates and friends. I have dreamt about you a lot these past few weeks, and I hope that where you are now, you know that you touched the lives of so many people, myself included.


with love,
Manali

Rev. Hillary Wright's Words for Sky's Memorial, September 22, 2007

Here is a transcript of Rev. Wright's words for Sky's memorial. Thank you again, Hillary. It was a beautiful service.

From Sky's Aunt, Carol Zbuska

Sky's Aunt Carol, who loved him dearly, was unable to attend the memorial. She sent us this statement, which was read by a family member at the memorial:

--------------------------------------------

To all who knew and loved Sky:

Sky has touched my life in so many beautiful ways: his laughter, his compassion for others, and his love for all creatures, both great and small.

On several occasions, Sky flew out to the east coast. We often visited the Jersey Shore and Island Beach State Park. Sky was impressed by the many miles of untouched earth – a safe haven for so many animal species.

I will always keep close to my heart…
Sky, Crystal, his family, and all his friends, who loved him deeply…

(Time takes all but memories.)

With much love,
Carol Zbuska

Little Reminders to Enjoy Life (spoken at Sky's Memorial Service in Topanga on 7-22-07)

I’m a writer and words usually flow easily. But I had a difficult time writing this, as you can imagine. When I finally got something down on paper, it was trite, so rehearsed sounding—and I could just imagine my baby brother Sky kicking me under the table reminding me to be real.

In fact, one of the biggest gifts Sky gave me and my family was the gift of his spontaneity and constant, yet sweet, reminders to be less uptight. I can hear him now with his familiar refrain of “Oh, Carolyn.” He’d say it whenever I was being too conventional, too concerned, too programmed. Sky and my brother Nick even went so far as to script out loud a madcap sitcom starring four siblings. And whenever sister Carolyn got too school-marmish, the other three siblings would chorus, “Oh, Carolyn.”

Sky’s gift of the unconventional and spontaneous shined in his role as the beloved Uncle Sky, a side of him many of you probably didn’t know about. He could play with the kids for hours, slyly encouraging all sorts of bad and crazy behavior. (And I’m sure Crystal will never forget that hysterical car ride to the Los Angeles Museum of Natural History back in April.)

There was the pirate birthday party we had for my son Oliver who was turning 5—Sky was maybe in his second year at Berkeley. Sky and I went to a costume shop a few days beforehand and rented an awesome pirate getup. I had—in my conventional manner—envisioned a dapper kind of pirate captain. But Sky had his heart set on being a scurvy pirate, so . . . It’s the day of the party and we’ve got hoards of little boys running around the house wearing eye patches—and then Sky bursts in yelling in a fearsome voice, “Who stole my treasure?” Several kids screamed and ran for cover, others cowered and in shaky voices told Sky that they had nothing to do with it. All were frightened—except for Oliver who kept circling around this pirate, with this look on his face that said, “Dude, I know you but I’m not sure how.” Sky did such a great job in character that even his nephew couldn’t figure it out. Scaring kids at a party isn’t too PC, in Berkeley of all places—but it was Sky. And it was hilarious.

Sky was the uncle who bravely came to his nephew’s school for Grandparents and Special Friends Day four years ago, and cheerily and good-naturedly participated in all the day’s activities, side by side with all the old grandmas and grandpas. But he found his place, hooking up with an old Berkeley couple, and together they wrote a little ditty about world peace and sang it in front of the class.

Sky was the uncle who could come up with just the right gift—even if it tweaked this staid sister a bit. A first subscription to Rolling Stone magazine for the preteen Oliver, along with some Axe roll-on deodorant for good measure. I can recall the conversation now: “Sky, come on, Axe? Have you seen the disgusting sexist commercials for that product? How could you get that for my kid?” “Oh, Carolyn.”

And then there was the holiday gift that keeps on giving to my rambunctious younger son, Henry. Sometime in December a couple of years back we started to receive these large-format construction industry trade magazines—one was called Equipment Today—all addressed to Henry Smith, president Oakland demolition services. It didn’t take long to figure out who signed Henry up to receive the premier free rag for the heavy equipment industry. Credit card offers then followed, much to Henry’s delight for stashing in his wallet. Sky might have been short on cash that year, but he found a million-dollar way to perfectly seize on his nephew Henry’s penchant for big trucks and construction and, well, just breaking things.

And then there were the endless sword fights between Sky and his nephews, careening through the house and out into the night on the sidewalk. Oh my god, those got out of hand—just crazy and like everything you could want as a kid. And then Uncle Sky showing up on the doorstep on Christmas morning and being the only adult with enough energy (and compassion) left to help put together a new and complicated Lego set.

My baby brother Sky was just an amazing combination of childlike fun and sweetness and spontaneity. And when I find myself inclined to be conventional or uptight as the days and years go by, I hope I’ll continue to hear Sky’s voice saying, “Oh, Carolyn,” spurring me and my family on to enjoy life and have fun. I miss him so much.

My brother, my friend (spoken at Sky's Memorial Service - September 22, 2007)

Sky was my baby brother, and my friend.

I will always remember him as a kind and gentle person, with a deep and unrelenting complexity. He left me with a fuller appreciation of the little things in life, and in our world.

He had a wry humor, ready to unleash it when I least expected it. He usually directed it at me when i needed it most; to calm a runaway ego, to teach a searing lesson, or just to poke at an exposed flank. I will really miss the banter back and forth, and the challenge of who will be left with the last, satisfying jab.

There are a few visions of him that are seared in my brain forever, and that I think reflect who he was to me:

- The little strawberry-blonde baby, leaping over and over again with unbridled glee in his jumper, in the middle of the living room, as I ticked his feet each time he got airborne.

- The elementary school kid, who came home one day a bit traumatized because he had tearfully and physically defended a single cockroach on the playground from the feet of the kids who wanted to crush it.

- The long-haired teenager, replete with Led Zeppelin t-shirt and not-so-mysteriously red eyeballs.

- The never-give-up young man, underneath my house with me all Christmas week, pulling electrical cable through slimy conduit to bring more power to the far side of my house. Together laughing, as we worked in filth, dust, and cold for days, listening to the Christmas rumblings happening above our heads.

- The glimpse of the simply happy man, seeing the way he looked adoringly at his girlfriend Crystal during one Thanksgiving.

...I could go on and on with these flashes of memories.

He was my friend, he was my brother, he was my kid's uncle...and in each of these roles, he was the best I could ever hope for. I will miss him with a heavy heart for the rest of my life, always wondering what he would be like as he got older and even more wise...and confused how my little laughing jumping baby brother is not just a phone call or email away.

Sky leaves all of us with a few gifts; to love the earth, to never betray your beliefs, and to be brave. So we will be brave and celebrate him, celebrate the lessons he taught us, celebrate our memories of him. This way, he'll live on in our hearts, and pop up in our daily lives in unexpected and wonderful ways. He asked that we remember him when we see something beautiful...in a flower, a sunset, a full moon. For me, this is where he will live on, in a quiet melding of loving memories and beautiful imagery.

I will love and miss you forever, bro.

Nick

Spoken at Sky's Memorial Service - September 22, 2007

As I was walking home from dinner on August 18^th, I found a puppy wandering down the street. Only when she wandered into traffic and was nearly hit by a car did I realize that she was a stray. I hesitated for a moment – what responsibility was this dog of mine? – but the knowledge that Sky would kick my ass if he ever found out otherwise prompted me to fetch the dog and bring her home with me. In the days that followed, it even crossed my mind that, if I couldn’t find her owner, I might drive her across the country and give her to Sky.

I bring this story up because – right now – it’s a large part of what I have of Sky. In the days and weeks since Sky took his life, people have often sought to share common memories of him with me. ‘Do you remember when…’ they say. And the answer is always ‘no,’ whether I’ve said so or not. No, I don’t remember.

There’s the story of how we first met; that I remember, as at this point it’s mostly just a story. With great serendipity, Sky was assigned to show me around Crossroads on my first day of eighth grade. Me, I was too cool for school; here was this scrawny kid whose earnestness and emotional honesty was just too much for middle-school me. I squatted by a tree in the alley, observing the rest of our classmates from afar, while Sky stood next to me, trying to engage me in conversation. Eventually he asked what I liked to do for fun. I said off-handedly that I played a lot of D&D – had to use the acronym, you understand, to keep out the uninitiated – to which he responded, ‘Really? I play Dungeons & Dragons!’

‘Aw, fuck, am I going to get stuck with the nerds again?’ I thought to myself. Not fifteen minutes later, Sky introduced me to Dan, and much of the succeeding fifteen years fell into place.

Now, besides that story, I find myself drawing a blank. I mean, I know that we lived together in college, I know I got him his first non-academic job after graduation… but concrete recollections are nowhere to be found.

At best I can remember certain gestures, smells. Anybody who spent time in close proximity to Sky knew he had a certain musk. Good, bad – it was Sky. Or the distinctive awkwardness with which he moved his arms. One of the photos from a recent Christmas shows him flipping off the camera. Understanding a photograph to not be an indivisible moment of time, but to actually record some minute duration, I can see recorded there enough time to identify that idiosyncratic motion of his. Or, lastly, I can summon up the way he would lie across his bed reading homework, gently rubbing Fuzzes – an orange shred of fabric which formerly served as a babyblanket – across his mouth and chin.

But the rest, the rest is gone. I’ve asked myself ‘why can’t I remember’, but the answer is clear: I won’t let myself remember. I can’t let myself remember. To remember him would be to acknowledge his absence. Without memory, there is nothing to miss. And right now, it would be too much. I mean, how do you go back to work when someone who has been so much to you is no longer here? How do you do your laundry or go on a date? I mean, each time I’ve done something since the 26^th of August, it’s like, ‘Oh, this is the first time I’ve kissed a girl since Sky died,’ or ‘Oh, this is the first time I’ve watched a sunset since Sky died.’ To remember would be to remember doing my laundry with Sky, or working with Sky, or just being with Sky.

After leaving LA around Labor Day, I returned to Brooklyn and started looking for a home for the stray puppy, who has since been dubbed Orphan Annie. I found a lovely couple from Portland, who make furniture for a living and whom Sky would have loved, to take her. They had a dog already, and needed a playmate for him. Now their dog and Annie are the best of friends, and I know that Sky would have commended me not only for taking her in, but for finding her such a great home.

And that’s what I have right now from Sky. If he was a nerd, then he is the kind of nerd I aspire to be. That responsibility that demanded I take in that stray, and that earnestness that was too much on the day that we met: these are the things I am clinging to as I greet each new day in the anti-Sky world. And maybe, just maybe, as the days go on, little slips and shreds of experience will fall onto the pool of my days and blossom like origami into memories that I can accept one by one. And maybe that way I can remember him and mourn him without the enormity of his absence overwhelming me.

Just a few more memories

Dear Sky,

I went to your memorial this weekend, and quite frankly, I miss you a lot. Even though I'm now in New York and wouldn't be passing you in the hallway or sharing a beer with you on Fridays like we did at Caltech, there's this void in my life knowing that you're not here anymore. I'm sure your off on another great adventure, but this time you're not coming back to share your stories with us, and that's hard.

 

Right now, I'm regretting that I didn't tell you how much of an influence you had on my life. I had some really tough dark times at Caltech dealing with my own undiagnosed depression and you were one of those people who always cheered me up and could make me smile and get me to laugh, and that was a rare thing for me. You had such an amazing ebullient personality that was incredibly contagious and it provided some brightness in my life and some good cheer. Thanks for making it impossible to be unhappy and always brightening my day.

 

Field trips were always fun with you. You always made me remember how amazing nature was and just how awesome it was for all of us to be outside learning about the Earth. A lot of the wonder and awe of nature often gets obscured by the technicalities and rigor of science, and you had the ability to put things in perspective and make me remember and appreciate the beauty and magnificence of the world around me.

 

I'm not sure you knew this, but you were the person I had my first beer with. In fact, you were the first person I got drunk with. You probably would have wanted to know that, and I could not have asked for a better person to share my first drinking experiences. I remember spending a long time that night just looking at the stars in the sky and drinking that beer with you. You might not remember that night on the Ge 106 field trip, but I sure do, and it was those small
gestures like sharing a beer and looking for shooting stars that meant so much to me. I'm sure you thought nothing of those types of things, because that's just who you were and how you treated everyone, but I hope you know how much those small things meant to people (particularly me) and just how much they could brighten up someone's day.

 

One of the other things I will never forget about you is how you challenged me to grow and move beyond my comfort zone. I regret now that I never took you up on your offer to smoke pot with me, because I knew then and I know now that you were trying to get me to push my limits and try something new. I was nervous and scared to do something so outrageous and not typical of me at all so I never took you up on your offer. Next time someone invites me to do something a little crazy and rebellious I'll try to remember to do it in honor of you.

 

Anyway, I hope you're having a blast and enjoying yourself wherever your travels have taken you. I definitely miss you, and I hope you know that I've grown a lot and am better person because of you.

 

Take care,

Meghan (Crowley)

Note from Alex Sessions (Caltech fellowship fund)

Hi Eve,

I'm writing to let you know that Dianne and I forgot to make an important announcement at the end of our talks on Saturday. Sky's fellow grad students and friends here at Caltech are in the process of organizing a memorial fund in Sky's memory. The idea is that we will accept donations from anyone who wants to donate, and that money will then be given back to graduate students over the years in the form of grants for doing things that meant a lot to Sky - environmental activism, research, education, outreach, etc. The students have not yet worked out all the details of how the fund will be managed, or where checks should be sent, so we are not quite yet ready to make a formal announcement. But if you could help us spread the word now, so that people know it is coming up, we would appreciate it.

The ceremony on Saturday was beautiful. It was not nearly as sad as I had feared, and which I think would have suited Sky just fine. Such happy and fond memories of Sky are really a testament to his wonderful spirit and sense of humor. Dianne and I were truly honored to be able to speak there, and our hearts are with you and the rest of his family as we continue to struggle to find some peace in all of this.

We'll be in touch further about the fellowship fund.

best wishes,
Alex

At Sky's memorial service, I ended by quoting from a personal statement Sky had written when applying for a graduate fellowship a few years ago. One of the students at the service requested that I post the last line. Here it is:

"Resilience and growth are fundamental to life, and I feel extremely lucky to be able to both study these forces and realize them in myself."

May these words bring you comfort.

Stars

There are stars whose radiance is visible on earth
though they have long been extinct.
There are people whose brilliance continues to light the world
though they are no longer among the living.
These lights are particularly bright when the night is dark.
They light the way for mankind.

~Hannah Senesh

Fwd: From Baron Davis

Good evening:

I am the personal assistant to one of Sky's fellow Crossroads alumni, Mr. Baron Davis. Since graduating, Baron has gone on to become a professional basketball player, currently with the Golden State Warriors, out of San Francisco, CA. He is dedicating this season to Sky's memory and has asked that I send you the following personal message.

Please post the following memo from Baron Davis on your blog site:

"I'm sad to hear about the recent tragedy. Sky was an amazing soul. We shared laughs at the kiosk and I used to always joke with him about his name.... Skkkkkkkyyyyyy Rashby!!! During opening night of the upcoming 2007-2008 NBA season, I will donate $200 per point. FOR YOU, SKY!"

Please accept our deepest condolences for your loss. Our prayers are with you and Sky's family and friends.

Sincerely,
Lori McDearmon
Personal Assistant to Baron Davis

From John Abelson & Mel Simon

We were with Sky on his last field trip to Western Australia. We were there not as mentors but as donors, through our foundation, the Agouron Institute. We are supporting the new field of geobiology and the students on this trip will be the founders of this new field. We came also as students.

At Duck Creek we mapped two billion year old formations that hold clues to what happened in that early part of Earth’s history. Though Sky was a student on this trip he also became a leader. After spending long days in the field he continued on into the night entering our geological mapping data into the computer.

We did not see any evidence of the darkness that was soon to take him. He stripped off his clothes and swam in all of the billabongs we encountered and when our trucks were stalled at a river he mapped the new route for us to cross it. During the endless miles of our trip we listened to our iPods, our songs old, his new. He seemed happy and in his element.

Like everyone who knew him the news of his death came as a shock to us and we feel a sadness that does not and will not quickly pass. And yet because he was among the first, the best and the brightest of this new field of geobiology he will be remembered. Around campfires in Australia, in Africa, in Greenland, wherever there are ancient rocks -- students thirty years from now will ask: Tell us about Sky Rashby… and the founders of this field, now old, will tell the story.

John Abelson, PhD
Melvin Simon, PhD

[Original Photo & note]

Beggarly Heart

When the heart is hard and parched up,
come upon me with a shower of mercy.

When grace is lost from life,
come with a burst of song.

When tumultuous work raises its din on all sides shutting me out from
beyond, come to me, my lord of silence, with thy peace and rest.

When my beggarly heart sits crouched, shut up in a corner,
break open the door, my king, and come with the ceremony of a king.

When desire blinds the mind with delusion and dust, O thou holy one,
thou wakeful, come with thy light and thy thunder

~Rabindranath Tagore

========================

Sky,

I never got the chance to thank you for showing me mercy, song, the chance for rest, that light still existed during the dark times in my life.

I am so sorry for not recognizing this in yours.

Forgive me.

I think, even though we didn't spend too much time together, we could recognize similar parts in each other.

I knew you felt deep pain, maybe that's why I confided in you. I thought you had figured out how to deal with the tragedies in life and I looked to you for advice. I am so sorry I put this burden on you. I just wish you knew that you could come to me and talk or not talk, anything. I could have told you that those thoughts lessen, that the feeling of being nothing goes away with time, that you have a place in the world, that rest doesn't mean giving up, that people love you, that I love you. Sometimes I miss you so much, especially when the sky is brilliant like it is today. I don't know where you are; I keep going back and forth on the God issue, but I think you are with my dad. You met him that one time you drove me home. He asked me about your hair. You are a memorable guy. I'll always remember you. I just wish I could turn back time, make things different; I bet you had that wish too.

-Xinning

Chao's Words to Sky

From Sky's friend and labmate, Chao Li:

-Sky, just feeling have some words in my body for you.
Whatever where you are,
just listen!

-You always tried to scare me from my back, this time,
you know, you really scared me to cry! I do not want
to say anything complimentary, I know that will make you
uncomfortable. I just want to ask you - did you forget your
promise to me that you would invite me to attend your
wedding? And you also declared you will have many
kids in your life, all of these, you totally forgot? As friends,
should keep their promise, right? You said you like to
journey around the world, and therefore, you made me
really to imagine one day in future I have invited your family
to visit Great Wall, Forbidden city, and my home town -
there is kind of California, dry and beautiful.
You are a real "bad ass"! You taught me this word;
today I got using it!

-Actually, I don't know what I am saying -
Just let words spilling out of my heart in a non-science way.
I know I may not be a good scientist, at least not a good
geobiologist! I say this, you may be happy? You always
thought me that way, didn't you?

-Sky, my buddy, where did you go?
Do you know I am missing you so much? Yes,
you also know I would miss you in my rest life
when I am alone,
when I am watching my son playing,
and when I wake during the nights...

-Take care, "bad ass"!

Chao

remembering Sky

i met Sky during the first field trip i went on at Caltech, up to Owens Valley. he and Crystal traded off driving and sitting in the front passenger seat, talking nearly constantly. it was one of the first good, fun conversations i participated in with people from work. i remember asking what his siblings names were, and he had me going for awhile about Morning Glory and Stardust and Leaf. :)

i liked that Sky had strong political opinions, that he could joke about being a hippie, that he liked being outdoorsy. i felt happy that he commented on my 'hippie skirts' a year or so later when i started only wearing jeans (i had two long skirts i wore a lot when i first got here). i liked the boldness of the big hair. in fact, i thought of him all through a live showing of HAIR two weeks ago. Let the sun shine in, for all of us.

Every time my little child shows me the sky I have to think of you. That I knew you for two years and yet, didn't know you. That you were the one in my office with the crazy hair, that I secretly called a bird's nest. That every time we talked, I felt uneasy, because I couldn't hide, somehow you looked through people's shells. I saw sadness in you and, maybe, anger? I thought this is because Caltech wasn't the right place for you? I will never know the reasons why you had to end your life.

When my little child shows me the sky, and I think of you, I'm afraid, too. Would I survive if he left me behind? Would I survive to be left behind without me knowing why he did that and why I didn't see his suffering? And if I survived, would I ever forgive myself?

When I see the sky, I'm also thinking of how little I know about the people around me, what battles they are fighting, whether they are sad or happy. My battle is to remain sensitive and aware for the needs of my loved ones, and to make sure they know how much I love them, and at the same time try to acknowledge that I can not shield them from all the pain, sadness, and tragedies that life can bring.

Your family and friends will gather on September 22^nd, my 33^rd birthday. I will celebrate life that day, as I do most days since I have a child. But there is something that you changed. I am more conscious.

Dear Sky,

I am glad I got know you this summer. Thank you for all your advice, your sarcasm, and your friendship. I will never forget it.

~Aimee

A starry starry night for you

I can't say that I know Sky well, although we shared that old and dark office during our first year at Caltech, together with Kendra and Ben Hickey, the names that left me earlier.

Since people moved to new places, we only met weekly on Alex's group meeting and Geoclub seminar, or just say hi when passing by in the hallway of N Mudd... We didn't talk much, because due to language and culture differences, I couldn't get most of your jokes, just as I couldn't understand your worries and sadness about this country and this world. But I know that you are always smiling to me; you are the one who replaced the waste containers when I forgot to (sorry, I forgot many times...); you kept Kendra's Bif and almost fed her to death : ); you tried to take care of everything when people are busy with their own business...

Now, still, I don't know what to talk about with you, so I find a song that I'd like to sing to you:

Vincent -- Don McLean

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflecting Vincent's eyes of China blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hands

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as
beautiful as you

Left-over Thai food and a can of Rockstar....

I'm not sure I can ever see those things again without thinking of you. Your desk has been vacant for several weeks now, but I know it's not like when you went to Australia. Even so, for the first week or two it really felt like everything was waiting, just waiting, for the right moment when you'd return. I know that that is not a possibility, not reality, but I don't like to think about it. My stuff has started to cross the Line of Demarcation that we arbitrarily set between our two desks. I feel awkward about it being there, but I guess you won't mind too much. Oh, I thought about parking my bike in front of your desk chair the other day. I hope that's ok. I know you thought my bike was pretty sweet, so I'm glad you got to ride it a few times, even if those were just short trips up to the grocery store for some caffeine to keep you going.

They left your stuff in the office because I wanted it that way. I'm not sure what I'll do when it's not there anymore. I'm the only one who sleeps under her desk now. When they initially went to move your things, they had to ask what your pillow and blanket were for. For sleeping under our desks. Duh. It made me smile; I think you would have, too. There are still sponge animals and dinosaurs yet to be born, and I think you left some tea and instant soup under the water cooler. I thought about buying a pack of spong safari animals and pouring hot water over them all at once. It would look pretty cool, and you would have laughed.

Remember when you and Dave took Rob's chair (the one with arm rests), taped "Phasers / Warp Drive / Earl Gray, hot" on one of the arm rests, and put it at my desk? You were always game for the office pranks. Your laugh was so distinct. I can still hear it, actually, in my memory, and I wonder why I never documented the ridiculous stuff we used to do in the office. I would have had a lot of incriminating photos.... It's funny, really, how the quotidian things in this life are so often taken for granted. And how, just as often, we make that same statement when they are no longer the same. You would think that somewhere along the way the human race would learn and culturally evolve a step or two.

I miss you, Sky. You challenged me to think differently almost every day, and--in so doing--you made me a better person. And how did I thank you? I don't think I did, really. You were my fellow eco-crusader, deep-thinking sociopolitical revolutionary. I loved your t-shirts and (I think) you dug mine. (At least I know you liked my wind farm shirt that said "Intelligent Design" under a bunch of modern wind mills.) We talked and we argued; we laughed and we listened. You were perhaps the best officemate I could have ever hoped for. (And secretly, I was totally psyched when Marcia said I was going to be in an office with you and Dave...how could it possibly get any better?!) You were, in short, an exceptional friend.

I feel guilty, too. After all the times I talked about my depression, my anxiety, my own brush with the darkness of the human psyche, my thoughts on medication, my struggle to deal with suicidal impulses in close family members....HOW COULD I NOT HAVE SEEN THOSE THINGS IN YOU? I've gone over days and weeks again and again -- I know what it's like to be sensitive to the collective pain of the world, but why couldn't I see it in you? You would think that, given my own personal experiences, I of all people would be attune to deep, numbing depression in others. Was I too far gone into my own problems to see pain in the people around me? I don't know. I just don't know. Before I left for Goldschmidt, I noticed that you had distanced yourself a bit from the rest of us, but I didn't know it was worse than normal. I remember thinking, while in Germany, that I was looking forward to being back in the office. There had been some talks you would have found interesting at the conference; I almost emailed you about them. I also realized that there are some things I like about America, and I was looking forward to sharing those thoughts with you, just to see what you'd say.

I want to make a difference with my life, affect some change in the world. How many times I romanticized my future while sitting in the office, I do not know. That plan hasn't changed; it's just been modified in a way. Remember when I had you and Crystal, Willy and Susan over for dinner, and you were totally shocked that I had made an entire main course just for you because of your vegetarianism? At the time I didn't see why you should be so shocked -- it's the sort of thing friends do. But I'd like to think, in retrospect, that maybe that gesture mattered a little more, that maybe it was a bit of light or hope (in lentil-loaf form) for humanity: hey, sometimes we do little things that seem like nothing to us but really, REALLY, matter to other people. I'd like to believe that. In and around the department, people are getting together a little bit more, talking a little bit more, thinking a little more broadly about life (the universe, and everything) these days. It's your fault, you know.... : ) I think you'd like that.

[amy]

Photo links updates

There are now two ways to view photos:

Via John's web site:
Family Photos
Friends Photos

Or, if you prefer, you can view them via Picasa:
Family Photos
Friends Photos

Thank you to EVERYONE who sent photos. What a glorious tribute to Sky's memory all these photos are! (John apologizes for the lack of captions--it would have been too time-consuming to try to track down all the dates and places, but feel free to add captions if you want to.)

My neighbor Sky

I met Sky a little over a year ago when I moved into this small, quaint complex in Highland Park. It's a great place to live. Good energy and some of the best people you could ever meet. Sky was one of these people. He was my neighbor. Our cottages directly faced one another. I didn't know too much about him. We had brief interactions and he did hang out with all the neighbors on several occasions. What I did know about Sky was that he was a kind, gentle, and friendly person. He was always planting or watering something. Always trying to make the earth a more beautiful place. It's clear his contributions are endless. The last time I spoke to Sky he had come over to ask me to turn down some music I had been playing. I noticed he was tense. He was still very sweet. He sat and spoke to June (another neighbor) and me for a few moments and as he walked out the door he said "You guys are good neighbors." I've gone over that evening over and over again trying to figure out if I missed something. My thoughts and feelings in regards to this last encounter are similar to what many of you must be feeling..I should've said something...I should've asked questions....I should've done something.

It's difficult to walk out my front door these days without reliving the tragic events of that gloomy Sunday afternoon. It deeply saddens me to think of Sky's pain and all that he must have been feeling all the while I was right there, next door. My neighbors and I are trying to focus less on Sky's death and more on his life. All that he was, all that he loved, and all who loved him. This world is a better place because of Sky and we must find a way to celebrate this. Sky was a good neighbor and a great person. He brought what was already a close community even closer together. He has accomplished in his short life what most people couldn't do in several lifetimes. Our courtyard is a better more beautiful place because of him. I firmly believe he is still among us in some form, on some level. Energy doesn't die. Sky will live on through all who knew him. We are all blessed to have known him at all.

So now, when I walk out my front door I will try to focus on the beautiful garden he left behind. I think that would make Sky very happy.

To Sky's siblings: I want to thank you for allowing all of us to be a part of remembering Sky. May God bless you and comfort you.

To my neighbors: I love you all so much. Thank you for all the support and love during this difficult time. I am so lucky to have you guys.
------------------------------------------------
How To Save A Life
The Fray
© 2004 Slade/King

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
------------------------------------------------
To Sky with love

Friends' Photos

Here are some photos that five friends of Sky sent me for publication on the blog. Thank you to Katie Wheeler, Tracy Teal, Andrea Clements, Kendra Turk, and Meghan Crowley. If anyone else has photos of Sky they would like me to publish via my website, please send them to me ASAP. Michael Chung is also working on a Power Point slide show for Sky's memorial -- I will gladly forward any photos to him. (If I have left out photos that someone sent me, my apologies. Drop me a line and I will correct any such oversight.)

And more photos of Sky

Here, incorporated into the previous collection, are more photos of Sky from Eve's and Carolyn's collections. If you want to view the additions separately, here are the photos I added from Eve's collection, and here are the photos I added from Carolyn's collection. There are also even more photos forthcoming from several friends' collections.

Talking about Sky in another blog

Oliver Morton, a science writer who has worked in the past at The Economist and Wired, and is now the Chief News and Features Editor at Nature has posted a nice piece about Sky on his blog. Thank you, Oliver, for the introspection and the kind words, and for bringing more of Sky's scientific voice to a larger audience.

Sky's Research Paper

According to one of Sky's thesis advisors, Dr. Alex Sessions, "Sky had made some truly groundbreaking discoveries over the past year which significantly affect our understanding of when and how early life on Earth evolved. Those results have just been published in a paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences [NAS], one of the most influential journals in the world. Most graduate students, even at Caltech, are happy to have any paper published by the end of their third year, let alone a groundbreaking one in such a prestigious journal." [Excerpted from the Topanga Messenger.]

Dr. Dianne K. Newman, Sky's other thesis advisor, remarks that it is no exaggeration to say that this is a landmark paper and will have a long-lasting impact on the field of geobiology.

Note from John: I left a comment about reading the last paragraph of Sky's paper, but in case you don't make it that far I thought I'd include it here:

With profound sadness we record that Sky Rashby passed away on August 25, 2007, while this manuscript was in press. This is his work and his first scientific publication. We mourn the tragic loss of this talented young scientist and compassionate individual.

Missed chances

Sky, you were a joy to work with and I'll miss you. When we talked on that last Friday, every instinct told me to hug you and try to help. Instead, I kept up a trivial conversation to avoid "embarrassing" you. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference, but I'll always wish I could live that last encounter again. I promise to do better with the next troubled friend I see.

We only talked a few times.

Hi Sky.

You know you made an impression on me with the hair. When I joined the lab last year, and people would talk about other students in the department, I just couldn't keep it all straight, who was who. Your hair helped a lot. When I saw you the last Friday, I mentioned that your haircut looked nice, but what I didn't tell you was that it reminded me of the emotional times in my life, when I go boy-short with my own hair. And now I feel a connection with you, over that.

Sky, you could have talked to any of us. We know what it's like. I'm really, really sad about that. We miss you.

We only talked a few times, but I was really looking forward to having a relationship with you that would slowly grow. I knew it would, and I knew it didn't need to be rushed, because you're that kind of person.

It was really plain to see that you had an active mind, and had your finger on the pulse of a lot of issues. The conversation with you that I remember most, was when we talked at the last house concert. I was asking you about economics in Africa, and food crops. We got onto warming, and how humans will probably destroy the planet.... and how in the end the microorganisms will be just fine. And we laughed, and we felt like that was alright, then.

I miss you. I wish things had gone differently. I don't know what I'll do, yet, to mark the impression that your life had on mine. I'm a little angry about being in the position of thinking about these things, because it feels like it reduces the person you are to some gesture. At the same time, I need to make the gesture, because to not make it doesn't help at all. But I'm not really that angry so much as sad, because I know that you were in a bad way, and I hope you are feeling better. I think you must, as enadin said, be on a terrific adventure.

Love you,
Patty

Memories of Sky

I did not learn of Sky's death until, nearly a week after it happened, I was on my way back from the field and checked my email for the first time in almost two weeks. I was, needless to say, stunned, shocked, and deeply saddened.

Sky was a wonderful, good-hearted person, beloved by all of us in the small community of Caltech geobiologists. I didn't get to know Sky as well as I would have liked outside the context of the lab and the field -- how could anyone, when we were all expecting decades in which to do that and were given only a few years? Yet Sky was still a beloved and trusted friend.

I first met Sky just as he was starting at Caltech, at a meeting discussing the rise of oxygen in the atmosphere deep in Earth's past. Over the following three years, he revealed himself to be not just a brilliant and hard-working scientist, more capable than almost anyone else in our program of binding together the "geo" and "bio" of geobiology, but also one of the pivotal members of our community. One of the last extended periods of time I spent was Sky was in New Mexico and Texas last November; I have a vivid memory from the magical setting of White Sands in flood of Crystal, Sky, and I sneaking aside to prod at colorful streamers of bacteria.

I last saw Sky in May, shortly before I left Caltech. By the time I returned to Pasadena in June for graduation, he was already off exploring Australian geobiology. I imagined that we would have many decades together as colleagues and as friends; it never would have occurred to me that he would leave us all, and that I would never see him again.

While I was away, the GPS Division held Zilchbrau, its annual party. The last email I have from Sky reads, "They're making me play you in Zilchbrau -- any advice?" I wish I could have been there to see it.

Sky had weathered a lot of hardships in his life, but he rarely showed it. He was one of the warmest and most generous people I know. Life, for all of us, is transient. But we approach immortality through the people we touch and the products of our action. Sky is gone, but he has touched so many people, and through us all he will yet live a long life.

Memories and unsaid words...

I, like many others, have had a difficult time trying to put into words all that I’d like to say to Sky and about Sky. So, I’ll just see where this takes me.

No one will find it hard to believe that I heard about Sky before I met him. I was told that one of the Geobiology students that would be starting school with me was a brilliant molecular-biologist hippy from Berkeley with really big hair. What could be better? When I finally met Sky, I remember being disappointed that he had a crew cut. Those of you that knew Sky know I just happened to meet him during one of those times when he lopped it all off.

I felt drawn to Sky right away. It was impossible to miss that I had just met someone remarkable. Sky made everyone feel at ease, and people gravitated towards him. Not only was he great fun, he was also a true friend. He was a great thinker, and I marveled on many occasions the grandeur of his ideas. And he was an old soul. This, I don’t think anyone could have missed.

There are many things I wish I could have said to Sky. Thank you for many bright moments during a dark time. You never knew how most of my fond memories of Caltech life were given to me by you. Thank you for being a good parent to BIF. Thank you for being a listener and for providing me with support. I valued your wisdom at the time as it helped me to make difficult decisions – but I value it even more now as it echoes and resounds through my head. Thank you for letting me raid your MP3 collection, for now I have tons of music that reminds me of you. Thank you for setting an example for me and others…in your seamless blending of political activism, dedication to geobiology, and a rich life of family and friends.

I am sorry that I was so buried in my own depression to be present for you during the time we had together. I am sorry that when I told you that I was leaving and your face fell that I was so numb I could offer little explanation or comfort. I am sorry that I did not look back. I am so sorry for not looking back. I am sorry that I did not get you on the phone that last time.

I am hopeful that you are still out there somewhere, and that you are in the presence of loved ones. I am hopeful that we will see each other again one day.

I know that there are many, many lives that have been touched by you who miss you terribly.

Topanga Messenger Passages

Here is the Topanga Messenger's eulogy for Sky.

Photos of Sky

Here (because it's all I can muster right now in the way of expressing my grief) are photos of Sky I scanned and posted for everyone to see if they want to. Thank you to Carol Zbuska, Sky's Aunt (Beverly's sister), who ran right out and got reprints made to send to Eve for me to scan. Thank you to Crystal for the current photos of her with Sky. The bulk of the rest of the photos are from Sky's own collection. A final few are from my photo archive (I wish I had more). If you have photos you want to add to the display, please send them to me and I will add them as soon as I can. Michael Chung is going to create a Power Point presentation for Sky's memorial and it would be great to have more photos for that.

I also created a link to the photo page underneath the beautiful and haunting self-portrait of Sky and Crystal at the top right of this blog.

Thank you all so gratefully much for all the amazingly wonderful posts and tender thoughts. So tragically beautiful that so much love and kindness has been born out of Sky's passing. I keep writing letters to Sky in my head but can't seem to get the words right on paper. My heart aches for all the pain he must have endured, was enduring. Sky was a beautiful, loving, kind, funny, radiant, and amazing man. I counted his presence in my life as one of the bonus blessings to marrying his sister, Eve. I grieve for the pain he endured for so long and finally couldn't survive, pain I know only too well from my own bouts of depression at that same age and younger. Pain I wish I had shared with him.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that beautiful, loving, kind, funny, radiant, and amazing Sky is no longer of this world. I just feel a big empty numbness in my heart for all the love that I had (have) for Sky that has no avenue to express itself (in this world) anymore.

Here is a letter written by Kevin P. Austin, PhD, Senior Director for Health and Counseling Services at Caltech. Kevin's words express in much fuller and clearer ways what I am feeling and thinking and don't know how to say. Thank you, Kevin, for your powerful, thoughtful, and meaningful words.

So hug each other, love each other, talk to each other. Be the radiant, open, beautiful person you are. Silence is not golden, it is deadly. Speak up, speak out. And listen. This is the cure--let that be Sky's legacy!

Rest in peace, Sky. And then journey on....

Forever

Sky –
How can it be true? It can’t be true – I say over and over as I walk down the hall. But it is true, I feel it everywhere, I see it in everyone. It’s a sadness that is inescapable.

Did you know how hard it would be for those left behind? Those, whom, as you say, loved you deeply. I am filled with heartache that the world has lost someone so special. And, if I, someone who knew you for only a short time (too short, I now regret) can feel this strongly, what the others must feel is unimaginable to me.

How should we go on? You told us that we should not be sad. That is hard, too hard. You told us also to think of you whenever we see something beautiful. That will be easy. I will never again look to the sky the same, but instead will feel your spirit and do my best to remember what you wanted for all of us, a better world.

But, why would you leave us to do this alone? I know the answer – that we are not really alone. That you are still out there somewhere, watching over those you loved, those that still need you and always will. If I got to pick my guardian angel, I’d choose you.

Are we supposed to let go? I miss you already, and will always remember your great laugh, sometimes (often) crazy hair, and your taste for bad margaritas. You affected each and every one of us, whether we knew you well or only for a short time. I have been forever changed by you, Sky. And for that, I am thankful and will never really let you go.

May you soar now as high as you wish, and find peace, unencumbered. Let your soul be your guide – why should now be any different.

Sky's words

We found a letter in Sky's papers last week, in an envelope on which he had written "If I Die". The letter is dated February 26, 2006. This is the last paragraph of the letter:

"While this note implies that I've probably passed too early I have lived many lifetimes in one, and loved very deeply. So don't feel bad, just remember me when you see something beautiful and continue working to make the world harmonious for all living things."

With love to all who are grieving,
Eve

Happy Trails

When I heard that Sky was gone I couldn't believe it, it seemed too incredible, too unreal. It is, it still is and I think it always will be. If I had learned that Sky left to travel the world, to become a monk, to find a lost treasure, or even that he was abducted by aliens, all these things I could have believed. So I decided that this is what I will believe. That Sky decided to take a trip somewhere, that everything happened at the last minute or the plans were sacred and secret and he didn't have time to tell everyone. So wherever you are, Sky, I hope you are having a terrific journey. I'm glad I knew you for what felt like a short time. I'm glad I got to play some small part in your amazing life. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I hope on your travels you know that your friends are with you in spirit. As you are with us.

We Shared the Same Blood....

I received the call from Carolyn last week that Sky's physical life on this earth is no more. The news was of course shocking to hear and my immediate reaction was one of shared pain for Sky's family, his brother and his sisters and their families and for his friends too. How devastated they must have been to receive such unexpected and incomprehensible news about the sudden loss of such a loved one. Sky was my second cousin. We shared the same great-grandparents. We shared the same blood....

I never met Sky and I had never even spoken to Sky. It wasn't until about two years ago that I even knew that Sky and his siblings existed. It was back then that I used the amazing technology of the internet to locate my Rashby cousins on the west coast. I have always been fascinated by my family's ancestry and there was always a piece missing in our family as it related to the Rashby line. As families go, our family is probably not much different than most. Family members either remove themselves or are removed by others for reasons that are not necessarily sensible. But it happens and it happened in our family. Sky's Dad and my Mom were first cousins. While growing up, they were pretty close. They played together in their youth. There was a falling out in the late 1950's/early 1960s and that was it. No more contact with each other for the rest of their lives. They too are now both gone from this earth. But their children do have contact. We email and call each other and we have resurrected a lost family connection.

I was not sure what it is that I wanted to say on this blog in memory of Sky. How do I write something meaningful about someone who I never had the privilege of personally knowing. I have thought about it this past week and decided that it may be comforting for family and friends to know something about Sky's "Rashby" heritage. In my youth, someone very wise once told me that in order to know where you are going in life it is important to know where you come from. How true that really is....From generation to generation a piece of generations past is carried forward to the next. Sky and I shared the same blood....we shared the same heritage....we shared pieces of the same generations past.

I had the privilege of knowing our great-grandmother. When I was a little boy I would see her quite often because she lived with my grandparents. Her name was Rose Rashbaum (the surname before it was changed by Sky's grandfather Robert Rashby). She was quite an amazing woman and from what I know of Sky and what I did know of my Great Grandma Rose, they would have loved each other dearly. She was a very warm and loving lady. She was also extremely sharp and bright even up until her dying day at the age of 87. Rose Rashbaum was quite a humanitarian. Even in the last years of her life, Rose, with failing eyesight and severe vascular disease, would travel by three city buses to a nursing home on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, where she would feed the residents , many who were much younger than she. She cared so deeply about those less fortunate. From what I have learned about Sky and his love of humanity....his caring spirit....I can see now how a piece of our Great Grandmother had transcended down to Sky, her great-grandson....a piece of a generation past....

I did not have the privilege of knowing Sky's grandfather, Robert (Bob) Rashby, the son of Rose Rashbaum. Bob Rashby passed away in the late 1950's before I was born. From the stories that I have heard over the years, Robert Rashby was quite a unique soul. He too was very bright and excelled academically. The son of immigrant Jews from Balystok, Poland, he reached great heights by becoming an assistant principal for an elementary school in Brooklyn, New York at a time when barriers prohibited American Jews from attaining such positions in the education system. While he accomplished so much in his career, it's what he did for the community that really deserves attention. Sky's grandfather lived his life in a most altruistic way. The community in Brooklyn where he worked was inhabited by many Hispanics. The people who lived there were quite poor and disadvantaged. My grandfather owned a pharmacy in that neighborhood. After school would let out, Bob would stop by the pharmacy. He would go to a room in the back of the pharmacy where he would teach English to Hispanic immigrants to help them better their lives and to help them prepare for citizenship. My grandmother told me that Bob would also buy shoes for the children in the school, whose parents were unable to buy such necessities for them. He bought them shoes on a very modest teacher's salary. Robert Rashby, like Sky, was a true humanitarian....a piece of Robert Rashby had transcended down to Sky....a piece of a generation past.

Our great-great-grandfather immigrated to America at the very end of his life. His name was Mayer Yacov Eisenstadt (he was the father of Rose Rashbaum). When he arrived in New York City in the mid 1920's his son would take him to the New York City Public Library on 42nd Street in Manhattan every week. Mayer would stay at the library all day and peruse book after book about astronomy. He had a passion to learn about the planets and the stars and a thirst for scientific knowledge. How ironic, that four generations later, Mayer's great-great-grandson Sky would become a scientist and pursue an academic career at such esteemed levels. A piece of Mayer had transcended down to Sky....a piece of a generation past.

From what I know and have learned about Sky, the generations past would have been proud to have him as their progeny. His life continued to ignite many of the same sparks as those who walked before him . His soul is now with theirs. He made his contribution to this earth....in many ways beyond what most contribute in lives lived twice as long.

I see that on September 22nd there will be a memorial for Sky in Topanga, California. How befitting it is that the memorial will take place on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, a day to remember, a day to reflect. I will be in our synagogue on that day. This year I will be saying Yizkor (Prayers of Remembrance) for my Mother for the first time. I lost my Mom earlier this year. I too will be saying Yizkor for Sky, my cousin who I did not know personally, whose blood I shared, whose ancestry I share. My prayers will be with all of yours....May Sky Rashby rest in peace....Amen.

Michael J. Moore
New City, New York
email: mmooreesq@aol.com