Beggarly Heart

When the heart is hard and parched up,
come upon me with a shower of mercy.

When grace is lost from life,
come with a burst of song.

When tumultuous work raises its din on all sides shutting me out from
beyond, come to me, my lord of silence, with thy peace and rest.

When my beggarly heart sits crouched, shut up in a corner,
break open the door, my king, and come with the ceremony of a king.

When desire blinds the mind with delusion and dust, O thou holy one,
thou wakeful, come with thy light and thy thunder

~Rabindranath Tagore

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Sky,

I never got the chance to thank you for showing me mercy, song, the chance for rest, that light still existed during the dark times in my life.

I am so sorry for not recognizing this in yours.

Forgive me.

I think, even though we didn't spend too much time together, we could recognize similar parts in each other.

I knew you felt deep pain, maybe that's why I confided in you. I thought you had figured out how to deal with the tragedies in life and I looked to you for advice. I am so sorry I put this burden on you. I just wish you knew that you could come to me and talk or not talk, anything. I could have told you that those thoughts lessen, that the feeling of being nothing goes away with time, that you have a place in the world, that rest doesn't mean giving up, that people love you, that I love you. Sometimes I miss you so much, especially when the sky is brilliant like it is today. I don't know where you are; I keep going back and forth on the God issue, but I think you are with my dad. You met him that one time you drove me home. He asked me about your hair. You are a memorable guy. I'll always remember you. I just wish I could turn back time, make things different; I bet you had that wish too.

-Xinning