I didn't know that a crap anniversary could last a whole month. I thought the day/days around when you died would suck (and they do, or they sure did last year) but the whole frickin month is getting to me. It's like August 25/26 is looming ahead and I just want to run around those days, hop over them, avoid them. But I know I gotta plow right through.
I also didn't know that the pain would stay this sharp. The spaces of time between attacks get longer and longer, but when it hits it's like feeling it for the first time again. Ouch, ouch, fucking ouch. I miss you more than ever. Missing you has become embedded in my cell structure, my DNA, I don't know what.
Baby bro, this bites.
Love,
bswmyatt,mte
Nick, Carolyn, Eve, Sky (June 2004)
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