Heartbeat

Yo Punko.

Sometimes I think I can move past you being gone, but it's just not possible. I wanted to be with Eve and Coggy for their dinner at Greens, it looks like they had a great time.

August 25th is also the day D moved in with us. He gets the red "You are special today" plate at dinner, and we toast him and talk about how happy we are. Last night was adorbale, and we toasted eachother, clinking a glass of milk, an almost empty glass of milk, and a Shiner Bock. We ate our dinner and felt happy.

Minutes later I was exhausted and I wasn't sure why. I laid down on the couch and almost immediately went to sleep. As I drifted off I could hear voices as Shannon put D to bed, reading him Dr. Suess or whatever.

Then I woke up with a racing pounding in my chest. my heart was pumping hard and fast. It felt like a panic attack, but I didn;t feel panicky...just worried about my pulse. I scrounged around for a heartrate/blood pressure cuff I bought (thanks again for the genes, Dad) and slipped it on. 115 over 65. Normal.

It wasn't until Shannon mentioned, almost in passing, that perhaps I was feeling stressed about not being at Greens with the sisters that my ticker started to even out. I realized that in some deep place I was horribly missing you, that August 25th will never be the same, and will forever be a jumbled mix of the worst day of my life and one of the best.

I used your tools this weekend to make a playset for the kids. They make me think of you. Maybe tonight I'll bolt more shit on the thing.

N

Miss you, love you.